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KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!

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The best clown gig ever offered

Apr 27

Posted by Nathan Allen

I wonder if they found anybody?

From Craigslist:

Seeking Adult Drunk Clown for 30th Birthday party
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chi/814181712.html

Date: 2008-08-26, 3:22PM CDT

We need an Adult Drunk Clown who is good at getting drunk and stupid. No need to do any clown tricks, just hang out and drink a shit load. We will be hopping around to different bars and want a clown to tag a long and drink heavely. He doesn’t even need to socialize with anyone, just drink.

the birthday is on Friday, Sept. 5th in Bucktown. Oh, did I mention that the clown needs to get shitfaced. Don’t worry, we will purchase all the drinks.

PostingID: 814181712

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Tags: best of craigslist, birthday party, chicago, clown, clowns, comedian, comedians, comedy, craigslist, des moines comedian, des moines entertainer, des moines entertainment, des moines magician, drunk, drunk clown, drunken, entertainer, entertainment, funny, hangover, humor, illinois, iowa, iowa comedian, iowa entertainer, iowa entertainment, iowa magician, jokes, kansas, live entertainment, magic, magician, magicians, minnesota, missouri, nebraska, south dakota, wisconsin

When someone tries to show me a card trick…

Apr 18

Posted by Nathan Allen

…this is exactly how I feel.

(Photo edited/created by – and stolen from – Geoff Williams: http://GeoffWilliamsMagic.com)

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Tags: card tricks, cards, comedian, comedians, comedy, des moines, des moines comedian, des moines entertainer, des moines entertainment, des moines magician, door, entertainer, entertainment, film, funny, Geoff Williams, here's johnny, horror, horror film, hotel, humor, illinois, iowa, iowa comedian, iowa entertainer, iowa entertainment, iowa magician, Jack Nicholson, Jack Torrance, jokes, kansas, knife, live entertainment, magic, magician, magicians, minnesota, missouri, nebraska, Overlook Hotel, parody, photoshop, pick a card, psychological horror, redrum, Shelley Duvall, south dakota, spoof, Stanley Hotel, Stephen King, The Shining, Timberline Lodge, violence, Wendy Torrance, wisconsin

Miracle Elixir In The Hotel Bathroom

Apr 17

Posted by Nathan Allen

The tiny-hotel-shampoo is labeled “Awake“.

Its special awakening ingredients?
“Sunflower & Grapefruit Essences“.

Okay. Whatever.

The tiny-hotel-soap is labeled “Calm“.

Its special calming ingredients?
“Sunflower & Grapefruit Essences“.

Okay. Whatev- Wait.

WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!

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Tags: awake, bathroom, calm, comedian, comedians, comedy, des moines, des moines comedian, des moines entertainer, des moines entertainment, des moines magician, entertainer, entertainment, funny, grapefruit, hotel, hotel soap, humor, illinois, iowa, iowa comedian, iowa entertainer, iowa entertainment, iowa magician, jokes, kansas, live entertainment, magic, magician, magicians, minnesota, miracle elixir, missouri, nebraska, potion, shampoo, soap, sorcery, south dakota, sunflower, sunflower & grapefruit essences, tour, touring, travel, traveling, wisconsin

Where I Do What I Do (a list)

Apr 13

Posted by Nathan Allen

One of the most common questions I get is, “Where do you perform?”

My typical answer is, “Ummm…”

But here is the answer I would love to memorize and rattle off faster than an auctioneer, just to emotionally exhaust whichever poor soul who was trying to make polite conversation:

Awards Nights
Banquet Events
Bars
Beer Gardens
Casinos
Christmas Parties
Class Reunions
Club Events
Coffee Shops
Colleges and Universities
Comedy Clubs
Comedy Nights
Company Parties
Conventions
Corporate Events
Country Clubs and Golf Courses
Customer Appreciation Events
Employee Appreciation Parties
Fairs and Festivals
Fraternity and Sorority Functions
Fund-Raiser Events
Graduation Parties
Halloween Parties
Holiday Parties
Hotel Events
House Parties
Illinois
Iowa
Kansas
Lounges
Minnesota
Missouri
Nebraska
New Year’s Eve Parties
Nightclubs
Office Parties
Post-Prom and After-Prom Parties
Private Parties
Public Events
Resorts
South Dakota
Taverns
Theaters
Wisconsin

Yeah. That would be fun… for me.

Oh, and if you think that this was just some pointless post to help out with search engine rankings… You’re absolutely right.

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Tags: Awards Nights, Banquet Events, Bars, Beer Gardens, Casinos, Christmas Parties, Class Reunions, Club Events, Coffee Shops, Colleges and Universities, Comedy Clubs, Comedy Nights, Company Parties, Conventions, Corporate Events, Country Clubs and Golf Courses, Customer Appreciation Events, des moines comedian, des moines entertainer, des moines entertainment, des moines magician, Employee Appreciation Parties, Fairs and Festivals, Fraternity and Sorority Functions, Fund-Raiser Events, Graduation Parties, Halloween Parties, Holiday Parties, Hotel Events, House Parties, illinois, iowa, iowa comedian, iowa entertainer, iowa entertainment, iowa magician, kansas, Lounges, minnesota, missouri, nebraska, New Year’s Eve Parties, Nightclubs, Office Parties, Post-Prom and After-Prom Parties, Private Parties, Public Events, Resorts, south dakota, Taverns, Theaters, wisconsin

It’s better to have loved and lost…

Apr 12

Posted by Nathan Allen

I agree.

Thanks, Trevor!

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Tags: bumper sticker, comedian, comedians, comedy, des moines, des moines comedian, des moines entertainer, des moines entertainment, des moines magician, entertainer, entertainment, funny, funny bumper sticker, illinois, iowa, iowa comedian, iowa entertainer, iowa entertainment, iowa magician, it's better to have loved and lost, it's better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho the rest of your life, jokes, kansas, live entertainment, magic, magician, magicians, minnesota, missouri, nebraska, psycho, south dakota, tour, touring, travel, traveling, wisconsin

It must have been an interesting night…

Apr 9

Posted by Nathan Allen

The table in the hotel room the next morning:

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Tags: animal trap, bible, cards, comedian, comedians, comedy, des moines comedian, des moines entertainer, des moines entertainment, des moines magician, entertainer, entertainment, funny, giddeons, gun, guns, holster, hotel, illinois, iowa, iowa comedian, iowa entertainer, iowa entertainment, iowa magician, jokes, kansas, magic, magician, magicians, minnesota, missouri, nebraska, party, partying, poker, razor blades, religion, south dakota, St. Louis Cardinals, tour, touring, trap, travel, traveling, violence, wisconsin

Ruptured eardrums and broken fingers

Mar 10

Posted by Nathan Allen

Got some new toys for the show today…

The first is a brand-spankin’ new sound system to take on the road. I’ve been playing with it all afternoon, and… I love it. It is AMAZING. If you’re in the market for a portable sound system that packs a punch, I highly recommend the YAMAHA STAGEPAS™ 500:
http://www.yamahaproaudio.com/global/en/products/pasystems/stagepas500/index.jsp

In fact, the music store I bought it through was so impressed with it (they had never had one in-stock before, so they tested mine when it arrived), that they said they were going to stop carrying “similar” (they’re not even close) “competing” (it’s not even a competition) portable sound systems and start carrying just *this* one. They were gushing, basically. It’s an incredible piece of equipment for the traveling performer.

The other toy I got for the show today is… ummm… one of those very inhumane steel-jaw leg-hold animal traps.

Don’t judge me.

You know the type of trap I’m talking about, the ones where steel jaws slam shut when the trigger is activated, slashing the skin and breaking the bones of whichever poor innocent creature happens to get too close.

I don’t want to post the photos here, but if you’re sick and twisted, check out Google Images for “coyote leg trap” to see some pretty disturbing photos of the new toy I’ve been playing with.

Fuck it. If you’re brave, here is a photo:
http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l189/pappyp/coyote4.jpg

I already have several (hopefully not permanent) injuries from this evil device, and I’ve only owned it for a few hours.

Stay tuned for the imminent announcements of ruptured eardrums and broken fingers.

Love youse. Take care.

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Tags: animal trap, broken finger, comedian, comedians, coyote, coyote trap, des moines comedian, des moines entertainer, des moines entertainment, des moines magician, entertainer, entertainment, illinois, injured, injuries, injury, innocent, iowa, iowa comedian, iowa entertainer, iowa entertainment, iowa magician, kansas, legtrap, magician, magicians, microphone, minnesota, missouri, music, nebraska, PA, performer, PETA, portable, sound system, south dakota, trap, traps, travel, wildlife, wisconsin, Yamaha, Yamaha Stagepas 500

Looking for a Kansas Magician, Kansas Comedian, Kansas Entertainer, or Kansas Entertainment?

Feb 28

Posted by Nathan Allen

Are you looking for a Kansas Magician, Kansas Comedian, Kansas Entertainer, or Kansas Entertainment? You’ve come to the right place! I am a Magician-Comedian who can help you make your next Kansas event insanely fun and impossible to forget!

While I don’t actually live in Kansas, I am willing to travel anywhere in Kansas if you need a Kansas Magician, Kansas Comedian, Kansas Entertainer, or Kansas Entertainment.

Some of the Kansas events, parties, and venues at which I can entertain include…